Yesterday was a day, boy was it a day. The kids managed to sneak into our closet, take all of the board games to Luke's room and dump everything out on the floor. All within a matter of about 15 minutes of 'unsupervised' playtime. UGH. Frustrated that it took so much longer to pick everything back up than it did to create the mess in the first place. And then....Aaron and I were making dinner. A quick chicken and rice meal. The rice was on the stove and on his way to set down the thawed chicken so we could George Forman those suckers, the plate dropped to the floor, shattering into pieces and getting ooey, gooey uncooked chicken all over the kitchen floor. It was a day.
So due to our dinner mess, I decided to just run and grab a pizza instead. I took the kiddos with me to give Aaron just a few minutes of peace. I wasn't quite sure how the kids would behave seeing as it was just about an hour shy of bedtime- which is witching hour in our house. But they were actually pretty good. While getting the pizza, the kids were 'playing' an arcade game. There was a woman with her teenage son behind us in line and they were commenting on Luke's spiderman sweatshirt. I was praying the kids didn't do something crazy to draw unwanted attention. And when we finally got pizza in hand, I had Luke carry the packets of peppers. On our way out, I looked up at the mom and she looked straight at me and said, "Smart Mom," as a reaction to me giving Luke- the busy body- something to carry.
Those two simple words just about made my night. So often in this world, we judge others and have such high and mighty opinions. We see a mom or dad struggling with their child and we stare with eyes of judgement as their kid screams as loud as possible. 'the parent must be doing something wrong, I would never ALLOW my child to behave that way, you must do it how I say because I am the greatest and smartest parent who ever lived!'
But in that moment, that mom of a son, identified with me. She saw me with my two little ones- who can quite often be more then this one momma can handle- and she didn't judge me for letting them distract themselves with a game while I ordered. She didn't judge the fact that when I called both kids over, several times, that only Chloe came and Luke totally ignored me. She understood me, having a boy herself and gave me verbal props for handling my kids.
That doesn't always happen, in fact, outside of someone saying, 'oh your kid is cute', not many compliments are aimed my way. One time, at a theme park, a lady behind Luke and me in line, pointed out that his underwear was on backwards- thanks to a shirt that exposed his belly when his arms were raised. I said, "WHAT! Thank you so much for letting me know! Our day has been a train wreck and now I know why, His underwear is on backwards. Stop the presses everyone, I have a kid with backwards underwear here, he is clearly not capable of doing anything himself and I will have to be dressing him until his last day on this earth!!"
Just kidding, I never said that. I just simply replied, " well I am just glad he has underwear on to begin with,". Gee thanks lady, are you pointing out the flaws of a fellow mamabear, or the flaws of a little 4 year old boy? Either one isn't great.
I admit, I probably used to be a somewhat judgmental person. Then you have kids and you do the best you can and put on a happy face while doing it. I have been the one with the screaming kid and I have seen others go through it themselves. I have gotten those looks for other parents for treating my child like a person instead of giving in to their every whim all the while not preparing for disappointment and how to deal with it. Parenting is HARD. And it never gets easier. You think, oh once they are potty trained it will be easier. But then you spend the next year worrying about accidents. Oh once they go to school it will be easier and you will have more time to yourself? Um really? Because I sure spend a lot of my me-time getting things ready for school in the morning, thinking about taking a lunch to school, worrying about how he is behaving and if I did a good job raising him up until this point, worrying about other influences,, etc. No it doesn't get easier, it just gets different.
So thank you to that mom who told me I was a 'Smart Mom.' She will never know that her words affected me deeply and I am grateful she chose to say them aloud. We should do more of that. Praising one another. Parenthood is a long, eventful, sometimes messy, but utterly amazing journey. And there are sooo many of us on the same roller coaster. Let's give each other a high-five every once and a while. Good job, you are raising another human being. Good job, you are doing the best job you can. Good job, you are teaching the hard lessons, Good job, you are sharing in the joy of childhood.
Because I bet you are a Smart Mom, too. or Dad :)
